Six Types of Inebriated Sri Lankans

According to a statement by the NATA (National Authority on Tobacco and Alcohol) Chairman in 2016, the per capita consumption of liquor in the country was 5 times higher than in Europe. But are we surprised? Numerous photographs circulating at various times have shown that Sri Lankans have their boozing priorities straight - long, snaking queues at liquor stores the day before Poya.. the men standing in the raging floods gulping down on a bottle without a care in the world.. the list goes on. In view of Sri Lankans being suckers for alcohol, we've compiled a list of a few of the many types of inebriated Sri Lankans. Which one are you? 

The Buoyant Livewires 

Newa gilunath band choon. This is the guy you saw enjoying his bottle during the raging floods. That uncle keeping the crowd going at the party. The youngster having a good laugh despite having royally flunked his exams. These people are the life of the party. Their happiness is infectious, but overwhelming if you're the sober friend stuck with them. 

The Sad Ones 

The antithesis of the happy ones, these people are most likely to break down in tears over the slightest nonissue. Maybe the day wasn't sunny enough. Their food a little too spicy. They will probably regale you with reasons why their mother is the meanest mom of all. Yes, definitely meaner than your mom. Your mom is nice... These people can be found huddled together, crying, sobbing, sullen and wallowing in self pity, discussing who got dealt the worst hand. They suck the joy out of the party, and you're better off steering clear of these folks. 

The Reckless Ones 

The elixir of courage gives them a false sense of bravado that sees them stunting like Harry Houdini, fighting bouncers at the club, taking on more than they could chew, attempting to do way more shots than they could handle, or doing something equally dumb and extremely dangerous, because YOLO*. These are also the people who turn into speed demons and cause the most havoc. Wanna keep them alive? Take away their toys. They will inevitably throw a tantrum, but will get over it eventually. 

*You Only Live Once 

The Inappropriate Ones 

These usually innocent and virginal beings turn into sleazebags who will grind on and grope every man, woman and inanimate object in sight, say inappropriate things and make lascivious comments that will make you squirm awkwardly. These neophytes to the world of flirting, thanks to the liquid courage they've just consumed, will result in a combination of "Ahh nangi" times 10, coupled with unwanted physical contact. 

The Baila Kings And Queens 

The second the beat drops, these people will flock to the dance floor and bust out their unique moves that rival… well their own. With the vigour of an Energizer bunny, they are always the first, and also the last people on the dance floor. 

The Philosophical Ones 

A couple of drinks later, you will find that these seemingly "worldly" folks have successfully cornered unsuspecting victims with whom they will discuss the vagaries of life, of the higher mind, of cosmic relativity, of death, of the afterlife and most certainly of politics. No topic is too big for their tiny feet. Find an escape route before you find yourself sucked into a one-sided conversation that will probably last hours.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rihaab Mowlana

Foodie • Bona-fide expert on Harry Potter universe • proud Slytherin • Unapologetic know-it-all • Keyboard warrior • Occasionally sarcastic • Incessant retweeter • Self proclaimed funny girl • twitter.com/ReeMowlana

0 Comments

Post your comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *