10 Ways Bollywood Movies Lied And Continue To Lie To Us

Because there’s no real in reel 

There's something about the theatrics in Bollywood movies that have us hooked - from the histrionic reactions of the lead cast, the dramatic music reaching a crescendo at crucial moments to clue us in that we’re supposed to be at the edge of the seats, to the flashmobs and extravagant costumes. So it comes as no surprise that you can always count on Bollywood to serve you a hot cup of unrealistic realism - they make the real world seem like a walk in the park. In this realm, significant others are easily won over after a song and dance sequence and foreign travels happen at a drop of a hat. Here are a few of the biggest lies Bollywood movies feed us about "real life". 

*IRL - In real life 

1. Fancy Shmancy Apartment Life 

The lower middle class hero/heroine moves to a foreign country, cue ultra swanky apartment / house that prolly cost a fortune, living it up at the hottest clubs with the hottest babes and making it rain with all that cash. All that while unemployed or just on student allowance? Yeah, not happening. Life it seems, is always great and the grass is greener on foreign pastures, whether the hero / heroine is there to reunite with their long lost sibling or to get their education at - you guessed it - a fancy educational establishment. Which leads us to.. 

2. Ivy League Education 

So you can breeze through life being a player, not attending class, being a disrespectful enfant terrible all the whilst having the intelligence of a toddler, but you can bet your mom's life that the chest-thumping hero and / or the ditzy heroine managed to snag the all elusive acceptance to an Ivy League. Meanwhile, we slave away through college, find ourselves domiciled in the library, but blink and we find that our GPA had dropped from a 4.0 to a 2.0 - our Ivy League dreams drowning in a pool of sweat and tears. 

3. It Takes 3 To Tango 

And love is a triangle. Love triangles make the world go round. At least in Bollywood it does. Gone are the days of dancing around trees with your significant other. You're now forced to shake your booty with his side chick too. Rude! Thankfully, your reality is entirely different - before you misconstrue that sentence, let us clear it out for you - you prolly have a plethora of side chicks or dudes, but you're all definitely smart enough not to let paths cross. 

4. Harassment Leads To Love 

Teasing women aint cute. No really, it isn't. If you still have men thinking they can sweep you off your feet by making lewd comments, thank Bollywood for feeding into this sexist and unfounded drivel. Thankfully, the retarded notion that females would be drawn to you like bees to honey when you insult them starts and ends with Bollywood. Mostly. 

5. Flashmobs 

According to Bollywood movies, our life is very Disney-esque, it turns out. You can randomly burst into song and dance and you will soon be joined by everyone in the vicinity. Whether you're in a train or the library or park, your impromptu performance will soon be accompanied by background music, and you will supported by randos dancing perfectly in sync with you. Try that IRL and people will ask you to just shut the hell up. 

6. Staying In Hospitals Is For Wimps 

Definitely not for testosterone fuelled heroes though, who are unstoppable and who despite just waking up after major surgery, rip out IV tubes and are immediately on their way to stop their girlfriend's wedding, defeat the villain and save the world. All in a day's work. Us mere mortals however would prolly focus our waning energy on begging for higher doses of pain medication, wallowing in our plight and basking in all the attention. 

7. The Ugly Duckling And The Spectacles 

Turns out the only thing standing between you and your drop dead gorgeous self is a pair of glasses. Take it off and - voila! - the ugly duckling is now super hot or has mysteriously got abs seemingly out of nowhere. IRL meanwhile, your vision goes from full HD 1080p to 144p. 

8. One Twin Is Always Evil 

A saintly twin can only be balanced out by a maniacal twin with homicidal tendencies. Such is the family dynamic when you have twins apparently. Your twin’s either jealous of you, envious of your hot boyfriend / girlfriend or has some ludicrous reason to off you. Or the twin’s a straight up psychopath. There is no inbetween. 

9. Villians LOVE Speeches 

Or they just love the sound of their own voice. (We're guessing it's both). Leading up to the planned cold blooded murder of the hero, the villain will bust into an impassioned speech that will span one fourth of the movie giving the erstwhile hero ample time to plot his escape. And prolly also save the damsel in distress, while at it. IRL though, the villain will prolly just shoot your brains out and be on his way to conquer the world. Time is money ya’ll. 

10. Enemies Take Turns Attacking You 

Because being courteous is always important! Even if you're in a murderous rage and baying for the blood of the hero - you understand that it is humanly impossible for said hero to handle more than just one person at a time. Of course, the hero is adept at expertly landing planes and diffusing bombs, but even heroes have limits. So you patiently await your turn to be beaten into a pulp.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rihaab Mowlana

Foodie • Bona-fide expert on Harry Potter universe • proud Slytherin • Unapologetic know-it-all • Keyboard warrior • Occasionally sarcastic • Incessant retweeter • Self proclaimed funny girl • twitter.com/ReeMowlana

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