From Independence to a Relationship

Nov 03 2016. view 196

Leaving behind a Red Velvet cake for a Cookie Dough cake is never easy; both sides look equally amazing. In the same way leaving behind a delightfully single life for one with your significant other can prove to be a daunting experience. Both have their pluses as they do negatives. 

What happens when an independent girl falls in love? What are her expectations? What does she really want? Personally, I’d want both types of cake. It’s no doubt a battle; she will stare at her ceiling until 3:00AM wondering if she is ready to let go of the freedom, fun, and food – yet, she wonders if the shared freedom, fun, and food beyond yonder is better. She wants to let go, but habit makes it harder. 

This is an ode to strong, independent women who've chosen to remain single until ‘He' came around because being scandalous was too mainstream for them. They've decided not to let the world dictate what they should be doing (doing being the operative word) and sought their own company. Now, they've met someone who has just about created a mild tremor in her world and showed her a glimpse of what's in store and that view nears perfection. Here’s a list of what I think goes down… 

1. Independence Day: 

Every single girl who has been that way for a while cherishes her independence – the fact that she answers to no one is what makes her feel like Wonder Woman every single time. #Kapow I strongly think that being held ‘accountable’ and ‘reporting’ are two different things and asking/requesting permission from a significant other is beyond me. You can ‘run it by them’, if I may. 


2. ATM Me: 

You’ve paid every bill – be it shoes, clothes, an unnecessary juicer. You cannot allow anyone to purchase you that coffee… because…because. 


3. Lender Lady: 

It’s the same with temporary financial support – if ever I’ve been short of a few grand, I’ve always resorted to asking the BFFs. But now, does this mean that you have to ask him? What about sharing finances? You have a file full of your banking statements that you look after like a treasured prize; you whisper ‘mine’ as you clutch it closer to your bosom, or muffin top, whichever comes first. 

In all honesty, this would be the hardest for any independent woman. It’s just too high a price to pay for a lifetime of love and affection. Money doesn’t hurt your feelings, money doesn’t talk back, and money doesn’t cheat on you. 


4. All-Friends Zone: 

I've heard too much of the insecure types who prefer to box their girlfriends/wives and don't allow them to associate her long-standing friends. I get that guys don't want their woman to be with their 'guy best friends' but not allowing them to meet long-standing same-sex friends is something I don't. 

A single girl depends on her BFFs and they've stood by her for years and this one area of concern for anyone who wants to start a relationship. #RealTalk 


5. PDA = Please Do Away: 

You rant against PDA; you give filthy looks to people who hold hands in public. Then, you are left in that situation where you long to hold someone’s hand in public, you want to steal quick kisses, and even bite his forearms. As a single girl, it's a crazy switch to go from one to another – but when you get there, you respect that he doesn't want to do it to ‘claim' you, but as a subliminal act of affection. 

When you've been single for almost four years, it's overwhelming to react to emotions and gestures; he gets that you don't want to tongue-throttle - but slowly moves in so that whatever doubts you might have would slowly ebb away. 


6. Social Savvy: 

You take a deep breath as you prepare to update your relationship status. You've sworn you won't – but there are times when you know he is The One and there's no looking back. 

You know that updating your status means letting go of your 'single-forever' full-on oestrogen campaign,  but you know that you don't want to have it any other way. 

You make a silent oath with yourself not to make it sickening to a point where single people 'unfollow' you on Facebook. #BeenThereHadThat 


7. Time Bomb: 

Since you are in a relationship now, you wonder if this meant giving up on binge-streaming the Simpsons. Saturday is when you hibernate from your nest, only waking to relieve or feed yourself. But now, he wants to take you out on date nights, you're too excited to even understand what's happening. You flood your BFF with pictures of outfits for approval. Whatever happened to the confident woman who dressed for herself? 

Try as you might, you do want to impress him. You work on the wand of mascara just a little bit more. 


The transition is never easy - for someone who has been on her own for a few weeks, months, or years, I can assure you that it challenges you to the core to know that you're not alone - in a good way. It will take some getting used to; you would fall asleep after promising to talk to him later, you will forget that you made plans, you will forget that weekends are not for being a zombie, you will need to learn how to multi-task, you will need to re-learn how to send cutesy messages; but here's the good news - it will happen with time! 

There you have it - seven times a single struggled in the throes of a relationship. Share your thoughts with me via Ms. Confidential live on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter and look out for more reads on! Don’t forget to share this post and look out for next week’s update.


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