The Crush

Oct 13 2016. view 198

When you've been away from the gym for a few months and you remember your New Year resolutions and you trudge back unwillingly in September, you forget what a ‘bicep curl' is; some of your favourite pieces of equipment don't look at all familiar to you. In the same way, when you start conversing beyond work, stock markets, and traffic with the opposite sex, you venture beyond familiar terrain. 

You've been down these roads before, but now they have changed into highways with toll booths. You can no longer refer to your age-old map and you need newer devices to navigate these roads. In the same way, ‘dating' becomes this unfamiliar terrain when you've been away for a while; conversations, etiquette, and "activities" change over time – and if you're not in the scene, you find yourself frantically digging for your phone looking for a mode of escape when left in a conversation. 

Today, I thought I’d share what an average single girl goes through when she meets someone whom she finds a teeny bit attractive! 

1. Eye-Bowled 

You spot eye candy very easily – you “crowd surf” with your eyes like a pro. You can spot a hottie from miles away without so much as lifting your eyelids. That’s how good you are. 


2. “I” Contact 

Usually, single girls manage the casual glances in slo-mo, it’s even better when it works wonderfully with the person it was intended to. It happens thrice and he returns it with a friendly smile. #SlamDunk 


3. Expressway 

Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t. He is coming my way. 


4. Commander Convo 

This is where he says hello, and you need to reciprocate; single girls are fairly confident at this stage. They’ve practiced these convos in the gym shower cubicle plenty of times. 


5. Number NO 

The conversation lingers on usual subjects until he asks for your number. You're deadpan as he asks you your number. You dismiss it because he isn’t actually going to call you. 

<Ping> Oh, crap. 


6. Convo-nuity 

This is the part where the single girl loses control. All hell breaks loose as not only does he message you that night, but the following morning and during the day and the following day. You’re not prepared for this. He messages you and you don't have "content" for discussion. He was supposed to be a douche. How does one answer to ‘how was your day?' and he actually wants to listen. 


7. Date-ish? 

He casually brings up meeting for coffee… you think it's going to be some casual deal where you can pull off jeans and a tee-shirt, until he suggests the place, time, and says he will be picking you up. This is when that siren in your head goes off - it's a freaking date! You have 17 minutes until you find an appropriate outfit, have it ironed, shower, do your hair and makeup. Hurrican Hattie didn't do as much ruin as you did to your room while preparing. 


8. WAR-drobe 

As a single girl, you really worry about your wardrobe. It's 90% work outfits, and 10% casual, and you do fine balancing these in social situations too. Now, things that never bothered you before are a cause of a mild migraine. Is the neckline too deep – would he think I was gagging for it? It the hemline too short – I don't want to appear too eager to please. Three changes later and multiple trips to the ladies' room, you think you did your best. 


9. Home Delivery 

He insists on dropping you home, even if he has to head in the complete opposite direction. Hello, have I just met an angel? It’s not that he thinks you cannot fend for yourself, but you know it’s to do with his nature. 


10. Q&A 

When you do meet him, unless you have practiced with much care – you will not know what to say. Always be prepared with at least five things to say. Let's just say that I've learned this the hard way. You're impressed when he makes an effort to enrich that conversation and building off it well. He actually speaks very well. How many others out there are like this? Why haven't I met them before? 


11. Oink? 

Single girls who have been that way for years are terrible at handling compliments. Some people (not me, I promise) just grunt in reciprocity. 


12. Illusions 

This actually happens. You're an hour into this undefined meeting and he's talking animatedly and as you pretend to listen and contribute to this conversation, you understand the illusion that a ‘crush' creates. As he is talking that small scar near his mouth disappears, he's eyes look sharper, his jawline… and that cleft in his chin. You realize that you are acting under the compelling power of a crush. You wonder which side of your face dimples better when you smile. 


13. Goodbye! 

It’s the end of the night. Do you shake hands or just pat him on the shoulder. He gets out of the car to bid you good night. Sh*t, do you kiss him? You leave him with zero eye contact as you hug him and thank him. Awkward much? 


14.  Maybe, Baby 

You kinda, maybe, probably, like him. You like that you enjoyed yourself with him. 


15. Encore 

Crap, he wants to meet again – your nerves are frazzled once more. You're frantically searching for a brown paper bag to quell the need to hyperventilate. 


It certainly gets better with time - old machinery will seem easier once used. You'll remember the old moves. Even if you don't it'll still be a funny story to relate to the girls during brunch. Share your horror stories with me via Ms. Confidential live on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter and look out for more reads on! Don’t forget to share this post and look out for next week’s update.


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