When I am asked what I loved most about being single and how it has changed over the last two months with The Boyfriend, I readily say that the three plus years of solitude was preparing me for THE relationship. This is dedicated to the girls, who like me, are a fiercely independent, yet tread softly on their new found relationship status. The transition is tough – not at first because you do everything to please him, but the real challenge lies between week 6 and 8 when your old habits of independence revert.
I may have attempted ‘Relationships – The Dos and Don'ts' before, and I asked myself if this spin would have changed over the last few weeks. To celebrate the eve of my 30th birthday, the BFFs treated me to an amazing night and a wickedly tasty cake from Cinnamon Lakeside; having consumed about 70% of it in a matter of hours I attempted this saccharine infused attempt at some of the Dos and Don'ts if you have been single for a long time and just started dating.
All Goal-ed Out Over You:
As much as I love the initial rosy haze, I think it’s imperative that you clear your goals first with Mr. Intended – and by goals, I don't mean that it should be confined to your bedroom. Some guys don't understand what they mean when they say that they want a ‘strong, independent woman'. They may think they want it, but never fully understand that they run the risk of not being wanted, not being depended on.
Do get adequate amounts of sleep. Do tell your partner that once exhaustion kicks in you metamorphose into Medusa (Your hair doubles as the headpiece of snakes). Also, warn him to not call you or disturb you during the course of the night unless there’s a dire urgency that questions life and death.
Do pursue hobbies. Don’t give up on things that you think might be offensive to them. It’s natural for you to think they might laugh at your idea of pursuing poetry or knitting, but don’t stop because I believe it’s these hobbies that will allow you to find a way to vent out when all the éclairs at Tasty don't do it for you. It’s about finding your niche.
Do loosen ties with friends who harbour animosity and general hatred towards relationships. Let’s face it – every relationship has its moments, but there are those friends who sole purpose of being in a relationship seems to be all about running their partner down and squelching any chances of reviving it.
Do you really want children? It’s okay if you don’t; not everyone wants to but it’s best to be absolutely sure that you are on the same page. Ifs and buts aside, you don’t want to have this conversation after you spent the equivalent of the country’s GDP on a wedding and find out that you have two contrasting needs.
Do share each other’s anxieties – it’s okay to cry. It’s important that he knows that under your solid B*itch exterior you have a heart.
Colour Me Badd:
Latching on to the above point, you need to show your true colours (even if it’s a kindergarten Black Magic painting). It’s also advisable that you do this earlier on in the relationship so that he can recover and adapt.
Do not allow society to dictate what you do with your uterus. It’s yours. You do as you please. I have heard of way too many women stuck with no choice but to procreate because of social stigmas related to women ‘not fully utilizing their bodies’.
Look after yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. You should know by now that you and only you are responsible for that.
Spend time with friends who make you laugh. It’s true that you are in love, but friends manage to bring out a side in you that no one else can. I personally believe that a little distance makes you want to go back for more. Logic level: Butter Boutique.
Conversations are going to last longer that looks; if you can't fill an hour with conversation – you really need to think to consider it. Find something you both enjoy doing – but if you can talk for hours and still find more things to talk about; you're on the right track!
Last but not least, here's my challenge to you – you know how it's said that you shouldn't compare your present with your past, but this is me telling you to compare. And I don't mean you, Ex-Boyfriend. I mean that you should compare yourself – look at the person you have become now, see how much you’ve grown emotionally.
Here are 12 things I’ve conjured over the last few slices of cake. Have I missed out on anything? Can you add to this? Is this amateur ish? Relationships are not easy to do – one requires more than a manual or an intense Marine Seals-esque training. Share your thoughts with me via Ms. Confidential live on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter and look out for more reads on msconfidentialcolombo.blogspot.com! Don’t forget to share this post and look out for next week’s update.