With great relationship status updates comes great questions. Over the last month, I have received a great many messages via WhatsApp, text, and Facebook messenger – most congratulatory, some expressing genuine concern that I had been on the Isle of Manless for almost four years. There was the odd message that said, ‘It would have happened sooner, had you allowed it to' – Were they right? Had I shut myself in a pretend-happy bubble for years that I didn’t know that love had been knocking on my door?
When you have been a single as I had been – on a man fast, to be precise, the universe has a certain way of sending throes of ‘Do-Nots’. You really need a lot of energy to desist them; it could be in your class, at work, at the gym, but they always find their way to you. It’s like how dogs smell fear, they smell anxiety.
Gently caressing a 36 pack of Cookies & Cream KitKats, I wondered if they were right. Did I delay falling in love? No, I decided, there was such a thing as ‘perfect timing’ – and guess what, this timing doesn’t depend on Mr. Right. Here’s the brilliant spin – Mr. Spin comes around when you are ready; until then, he too will go through a series of meaningless relationships and acquaintances until you are ready.
Five bars into the pack, I had an epiphany! It was all about me – I knew I had to complete myself before I ventured out into a relationship. There was no way that He could have come into my life until I was complete, just as I was. Here are a few things I learned over from bar 5 to about 15:
1.) Timing is a REAL Thing: No matter what you decide about not meeting anyone anywhere, this is actually not a matter of your receptiveness; it’s about making sure you really are happy on your own to be happier with someone else.
2.) Com-What?: With a few failed relationship in my bag, I realized the fundamental mistake I made was looking for external sources to COMPLETE me. I couldn’t have been further from the truth. What we all need is to find completeness in ourselves, and look for someone to COMPLEMENT it.
3.) Bitter Pill: It’s a big, bitter pill to accept that some find love sooner than the others. Maybe some don’t find it. Maybe the least worthy people find it. Looking back now, I wish I had known sooner not to slander it just because I don’t have it. I’ve hated seeing PDA, even if it was just hand-holding. I will glare people evilly if I thought they were a little more *hand-sy* on each other. The reality is that once you're there yourself, you realize what a cynic you have become. You're almost ashamed at how much you've scored people for having some; if I had my way now I will choose to go back and quietly walk past them without dropping hints on ‘how rosy is the atmosphere now' or how people should consider others' urge to barf.
4.) T for Time: There are things that I used to think that I’d complete when I’d found someone; well f*ck that now – do everything you need to do when you’re on your own. There’s no guarantee that you will have the time, energy, or resources when you’re in a relationship to smash those goals.
The transition is never easy - for someone who has been on her own for a few weeks, months, or years, I can assure you that it challenges you to the core to know that you're not alone - in a good way. It will take some getting used to; you would fall asleep after promising to talk to him later, you will forget that you made plans, you will forget that weekends are not for being a zombie, you will need to learn how to multi-task, you will need to re-learn how to send cutesy messages; but here's the good news - it will happen with time!
There you have it - Seven times a single struggled in the throes of a relationship. Share your thoughts with me via Ms. Confidential live on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter and look out for more reads on www.msconfidentialcolombo.blogspot.com! Don’t forget to share this post and look out for next week’s update.