I remember seeing a very popular meme on social media on the extent of their knowledge about the opposite sex – and it was a blank bible-esque book. This had me wondering if women suffered the same fate where they knew nothing about an average Lankan male’s preference in the opposite sex. I took to the Lankan community on Reddit to ask guys what they really wanted in a woman. I was pleasantly surprised to see that these were a kiri-pani match with the things we wanted them to expect of us!
1. He loves me, He loves me not
This little quip of ‘someone who will date me’ just warmed my heart. Isn’t this the sad truth? While women are trained to aim for Doctors, Walau Kaara Radala families, with abs for days, we tend to miss out on a few good guys whose Instagram posts tell us to date. Girls mislead themselves into thinking that they need to fit a certain mould before a guy could date them.
2. A Positive Polly
Are we such negative nonas that a majority of the guys responded with positive attitude being an important attribute?
A self-reliant girl is all the rage, I tell you. One guy said, ‘I’m not adopting a baby’, and yet feminists like me expect equal rights and yet evade equal responsibilities.
4. Financial Sense
Speaking of responsibility, I always thought guys were the ones who had zero financial responsibility. However, so many responded with better financial sense – are they talking about having seven black skirts and yet rushing to Gflock for another that looks just like the others? Or going bananas at the fact that he bought headsets for the price of an average A-Level student's school fees, while we spend more getting dressed for a wedding that will last three hours. I am guilty as charged.
Quite a few spoke about communication. For an average girl there are two forms of this: verbal and non-verbal. Darlings, for Sri Lankan women we speak with memes, WhatsApp statuses, aura, dagger-like looks, silence, firecracker tones, and hatti mutti, if required. I noted that almost every guy wanted a girl who communicates. I think what guys mean is women who can vocalize their thoughts and emotions eloquently, chronologically, in a non-violent manner. It might be easier to ask for a unicorn that performed in an orchestra.
6. Who takes the wheel?
There was also a great need for mutual respect. For a girl who didn’t control and didn’t impose restrictions – in other words, a girl who was okay with him having some guy time and then some at CR&FC (uninterrupted) on a post-game Saturday evening.
7. Honestly, Honey
Do you really? Could it be that we are doing you a favour in not being that?
8. The sacrifice
Some guys happen to think you've been friends with a pack of Pablo Escobars. They immediately assume that your friends are a negative influence and turn their homes into a personal Welikada. However, I was thrilled to see that many if not all agreed that a girl need not sacrifice all this to be with them – life can go on as it is.
9. Can we talk menu?
Veganism is catching on well in Colombo, and some guys aren’t having it. If you want to forego the cardinal Ks - Kandos, KFC, and Kottu, that’s fine, but this doesn’t mean that they want to follow suit.
10. Humour me darling!
How well do you respond to memes? Are you going to shoot each share with ‘I’ve seen that’ so send him a string of sideway laughing smileys? Guys also responded positively to girls who can poke fun at themselves and be able to take a joke. A word of caution to guys – digging through Facebook and finding pictures of her in 2008 without 60% of her eyebrows is not funny.
11. Common ground
A common ground will be helpful. This could be anything from chicken curry, 2 Pac, or your love for the Pope. A wise Aunty (probably plagiarized) said before marriage opposites attract; after marriage opposites attack!
12. The inner Beyonce
This had me wondering if guys were saying this just so that they had the chance to slide into DMs and expect his girlfriend to have liberal views. Just like how veralu and miris complement one another, independence and temperament are part and parcel. If guys want independence, they need to accept the other emotions that are a part of it too.
13. Challenge the status quo
I loved that one suggestion of not bowing to social stereotyping and preconceived notions. I had to clarify only to find out that meant. He was kind enough to explain that it was to be able to do not do something purely based on one’s own preferences and not that Aunty Mala next door nearly had a seizure when she witnessed a passionate goodbye.
14. Tick tock
In short, he needs to know what time he needs to pick you up from Capello salons after a full dressing to rush back home to wear your heels and may even consider a different clutch and still make it to the wedding on time. While you think you've beaten Susanthika Jayasinghe's record for speed, he is fuming because you haven't factored in the traffic down Highlevel Road at 6 pm.
15. The socially savage
I saved the best for last. This was my personal favourite. It’s refreshing to see that some guys don’t want a girl who is constantly pining for attention on the ‘gram of her shedding grammes. The sin isn’t in posting selfies with finger deftly touching strands of hair that aren’t being blown away nor the borrowed quotes from Coco Chanel, but the constant need to have a tsunami of likes on every picture.
I loved that none of these guys spoke about external factors of peaks and troughs or the need for the wife whose sole duty was to cook and clean – perhaps Colombo is in for a great change after all!